The Day my Life Began

     As a little girl, you hear fairy tales about love and prince charming. Your parents or loved ones read your books of prince charming saving the princess, and how despite life's trials, love will always conquer all. One day you turn around and you're an adult. If you're anything like me you're a person who has been beaten down and tortured by love. People coming in and out of your life stomping on your heart on the way out the door. Leaving your childhood fantasy of love diminished, something you can see, but wonder if it's truly real or if it will ever touch you. Once upon a Time, that was me, a woman who had given up on love, I believed I was unworthy. Living 25 years feeling as if love, by any means, was just a fun Idea parents and society implant into young gullible minds. Just when I'd given up, decided to settle on a less than desirable relationship with a monster, I was caught in a whirlwind with my soul mate.

    At the risk of sounding cliche, we're going to start this out with Once Upon A Time. 

 Once Upon A Time, there was this woman, it's amazing how one single incomplete sentence can be filled with such a powerful surge of emotions. A rush of endorphins that make my heart race, head spin, and my brain stutter, but let's get back to the story. Have you ever walked into a room and locked eyes with someone and just felt this surge of everything good in the world, like you know your whole life is about to change. You just know that person is your soul mate.  Sometimes I still find it so hard to find the words to describe that moment in my life. It was truly Magical. 

    Our situation was less than Ideal. We both were in abusive, toxic relationships, living dangerous lives battling with addiction, and were in no way looking for love. To be honest, at that time in our lives I don't believe we loved ourselves. Most people fighting addiction don't. Despite all of that I never felt so drawn to a person. I am not talking about sexual attraction,  although there was plenty of that, it was so much more than that, eight years later it still is.

     

Don't get me wrong, its not always sun Shine and roses, Susan and I have been through hell and back so many times in the last 8 years, especially starting out the way we did, broken as individuals and struggling with addiction and life. To me love is about going through all of those things together, being strong for one another, loving each other even when we are angry. On the days when we can't even begin to love ourselves, still finding the need to hold each other up, never wanting the person you love to feel the way you sometimes feel about yourself or your past. learning to cherish the good days. It's about going through hell together and being stronger for it and Honesty, even when it's hard. Life is just Hard, and when love is real, even during the hardest times in life and your relationship loving each other should be the easiest thing you've ever done because you just can't imagine life without each other. My aunt told me years ago that if you love someone you should never want to hurt them the way you've been hurt, cause them pain when you know how that pain feels, and the way that it impacted your life. I heard her when she said it, but Susan Taught me what it means, she changed my life, and because of her I have grown as a person and I have a broader understanding of love and life. On the worst and best days of my life, I look for her, when I hear a song it always makes me think of her, when I hear something funny I always look for her to see if she thinks its funny too. She is apart of my every thought, Every choice, Every Part of me, and who I am. She Enhances my life in ways she can never understand, and that's the beauty of real love. I could never explain the love I feel for her, or how grateful I feel to be apart of our relationship. I felt so Empty my whole life, I made so many poor choices in search of love or to just feel anything at all. In a way I was Blind. Loving her Has enlightened me.

I wrote this Not only for Susan, but for the people who are losing hope in love. It comes when it's meant to. I know that's annoying to hear, but its true, and it not like you've read in fairy tales. Its better!!