My Addction

A little about me

My name is Heather Eaglen, I am 32 years old and I aspire to be a novelist, which is a issue because at the moment I don't even know what to write for this blog. lol 

I struggle with addiction and I am currently clean, I have been for over a year now. Sometimes I worry that staying sober is an impossible task. Sometimes I feel weak and unworthy of a good life, a clean sober life. At times I wonder if I am the type of person who Can be successful at anything or if I will always fail. I've realized most of my failures have not been because I was incapable of success but because I am always so terrified of failing that I never try. I talk about all these things that I want to do, but I never actually do them an all the while days are just passing me by.  How do I learn to let go of my mistakes, my mistakes as an addict, my mistakes as a woman, my mistakes as a child. How do I live A life and not let these things define the woman I truly want to be. How do you fix something that is just so broken. 

where do I even Begin? 

       What its like becoming sober, re-living your choices and regrets. 

   

So filled with confusion and torture in my mind,   

I cant let the pain go, I cant leave it behind.    

I let the past shape me into this darkened soul,

I was lost to the remedy that I thought made me whole.

I felt so secure in this lovingly state,

yet I turned around quickly and found its to late.

No one can save you, your left all alone,

to pick up the pieces of a person you no longer know.

I cant go back to who I was before,

I don't remember who I am anymore.

Kind of a Dark beginning for a blog, but hey we all Have to start somewhere